"In light of everything, I wanna believe it's different this time. Maybe I just felt like I was drowning, but perhaps I really could breathe. He almost makes me reach limits, he makes me want to scream, he makes me want to be a better person, he makes me ...me. I suppose that's wrong to say, but maybe it's ok this time. Maybe I'm supposed to change, maybe who I am isn't...right for this life I am supposed to lead. Maybe I'm meant change, like a butterfly. Bad comparison I suppose, but it'll do for now. He lays beside me and I feel him pressed against my skin, and still I want...I need him closer. When I'm in his arms, I feel like the world fades away, like time just stops. When he looks at me, my heart beats really fast and sometimes I have to remember to breathe. When he tells me he loves me, I get butterflies. When he kisses me, I get chills. For some time, I felt nothing. For some time, I was numb. But he makes me feel alive. This may sound creepy, but when he sleeps, sometimes I look at him, just for a moment, and when I look at him, as he lays there, I feel like I fall in love with him all over again. Love, to me, is scary. Why? Because I have to let my guard down, I have to have faith. Give up my ability to control the situations that may befall us. I have to trust him enough to let him close enough that he could possibly hurt me. Scared? Fuck yeah, I am. I'm scared like hell. There are moments when I want to run away from it all because I can't fathom the idea of him leaving me. But sometimes, I have to take that leap. Will I take that leap for him? Forever and again I will," I said.


"There are times when I want to escape. There are times I want to just scream. Every time it gets to that point, I feel guilt. Out of obligation perhaps. Who really knows? I wish I could live all over again. But then I look at everything around me and I realize I love the way it is, even if I do suffer as sadistic as that sounds. Maybe this is as good as it's going to get for me. Maybe I'm not destined for greatness and I'm supposed to fail as everyone has assumed for my life. Surrounded by the bullshit and having to "deal with it and figure it out", that's the constant in my life. But maybe it isn't so bad, they say you're only given what you can handle, but am I being over estimated? Am I really supposed to be a survivor? Does it really make a difference?I've lost myself along the way, and maybe that's what I'm supposed to survive," she said.


"Sometimes I see myself, but from somewhere else. I feel like I'm able to live and function and be without actually being here. Is that even possible? I feel like I'm looking at myself, but really I'm the one in the mirror looking back. A million faces in this crowded city, but the streets still seem empty. Sometimes, they say, I come out, even if it is for just a moment. It's easier to live behind those eyes. I don't feel anything, I don't hurt, I don't cry. It seems ridiculous, one day I might regret this, but for now it's the safest bet," she said.


"For some time now, it's been all the same. The same life, the same day, the same moment. Every memory I have all seems to disappear at some point. Everyday I change and everyday I feel just a little smaller and smaller. Every second that passes I can't help but feel like I'm falling faster and faster into a deep abyss. Into an abyss that I sometimes see in the mirror. Sometimes it all seems as a blur, sometimes I can't even breathe. Sometimes...I disappear," She said.


Like actually guys. No kidding.


k, so today i celebrated grama dukes' birthday and 12 days until MY BIRTHDAY HOLY SHIT.
I'm pretty hackin excited. I had 4 slices of pizza today, that's right CAROLYN I HAD 4000 CALORIES ENTER MY BODY AND IT WAS SO FREAKIN TASTY! Hmm, I wonder what ALL of you are getting meeeee !!! Esp You Nick. Ok, sooo in other news I'm freaking out about college and such. I haven't applied yet and on top of everything miraculous, I'm afraid to get rejected. Omg. My mom would shoot me in the face. Seriously...she'd stuff me in a cave or something. -___-"


Stress is sooo ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...........lovely.


kill me though, seriously...........please? (:



It's fucking 2.22 am, I'm cold as hell. I'm debating whether to sleep or stay up. I hate this weather, I mean I love snow, but I hate the cold, mother freakin bullshit. My birthday is soon time people...SOON TIME 13 days bitches. I'll be 19. Bout freakin time. I don't want to say too much right now...I think my step dad is moving out tomorrow, one can only hope though -sigh- fucking people eh? Always just walking in and out like it's no ones business, like get out mah face - get out mah face - get out mah motha fuckin face.

if only.

"In light of everything, I wanna believe it's different this time. Maybe I just felt like I was drowning, but perhaps I really could breathe. He almost makes me reach limits, he makes me want to scream, he makes me want to be a better person, he makes me ...me. I suppose that's wrong to say, but maybe it's ok this time. Maybe I'm supposed to change, maybe who I am isn't...right for this life I am supposed to lead. Maybe I'm meant change, like a butterfly. Bad comparison I suppose, but it'll do for now. He lays beside me and I feel him pressed against my skin, and still I want...I need him closer. When I'm in his arms, I feel like the world fades away, like time just stops. When he looks at me, my heart beats really fast and sometimes I have to remember to breathe. When he tells me he loves me, I get butterflies. When he kisses me, I get chills. For some time, I felt nothing. For some time, I was numb. But he makes me feel alive. This may sound creepy, but when he sleeps, sometimes I look at him, just for a moment, and when I look at him, as he lays there, I feel like I fall in love with him all over again. Love, to me, is scary. Why? Because I have to let my guard down, I have to have faith. Give up my ability to control the situations that may befall us. I have to trust him enough to let him close enough that he could possibly hurt me. Scared? Fuck yeah, I am. I'm scared like hell. There are moments when I want to run away from it all because I can't fathom the idea of him leaving me. But sometimes, I have to take that leap. Will I take that leap for him? Forever and again I will," I said.


"There are times when I want to escape. There are times I want to just scream. Every time it gets to that point, I feel guilt. Out of obligation perhaps. Who really knows? I wish I could live all over again. But then I look at everything around me and I realize I love the way it is, even if I do suffer as sadistic as that sounds. Maybe this is as good as it's going to get for me. Maybe I'm not destined for greatness and I'm supposed to fail as everyone has assumed for my life. Surrounded by the bullshit and having to "deal with it and figure it out", that's the constant in my life. But maybe it isn't so bad, they say you're only given what you can handle, but am I being over estimated? Am I really supposed to be a survivor? Does it really make a difference?I've lost myself along the way, and maybe that's what I'm supposed to survive," she said.


"Sometimes I see myself, but from somewhere else. I feel like I'm able to live and function and be without actually being here. Is that even possible? I feel like I'm looking at myself, but really I'm the one in the mirror looking back. A million faces in this crowded city, but the streets still seem empty. Sometimes, they say, I come out, even if it is for just a moment. It's easier to live behind those eyes. I don't feel anything, I don't hurt, I don't cry. It seems ridiculous, one day I might regret this, but for now it's the safest bet," she said.


"For some time now, it's been all the same. The same life, the same day, the same moment. Every memory I have all seems to disappear at some point. Everyday I change and everyday I feel just a little smaller and smaller. Every second that passes I can't help but feel like I'm falling faster and faster into a deep abyss. Into an abyss that I sometimes see in the mirror. Sometimes it all seems as a blur, sometimes I can't even breathe. Sometimes...I disappear," She said.


Like actually guys. No kidding.


k, so today i celebrated grama dukes' birthday and 12 days until MY BIRTHDAY HOLY SHIT.
I'm pretty hackin excited. I had 4 slices of pizza today, that's right CAROLYN I HAD 4000 CALORIES ENTER MY BODY AND IT WAS SO FREAKIN TASTY! Hmm, I wonder what ALL of you are getting meeeee !!! Esp You Nick. Ok, sooo in other news I'm freaking out about college and such. I haven't applied yet and on top of everything miraculous, I'm afraid to get rejected. Omg. My mom would shoot me in the face. Seriously...she'd stuff me in a cave or something. -___-"


Stress is sooo ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...........lovely.


kill me though, seriously...........please? (:



It's fucking 2.22 am, I'm cold as hell. I'm debating whether to sleep or stay up. I hate this weather, I mean I love snow, but I hate the cold, mother freakin bullshit. My birthday is soon time people...SOON TIME 13 days bitches. I'll be 19. Bout freakin time. I don't want to say too much right now...I think my step dad is moving out tomorrow, one can only hope though -sigh- fucking people eh? Always just walking in and out like it's no ones business, like get out mah face - get out mah face - get out mah motha fuckin face.

if only.

REBECCA VEE
HI THERE. I'm currently enrolled in high school, but just applied to college, so cross your fingers. I have a boyfriend named James.I like to eat and sleep ALOT. I always play video games. My ipod is my life. My life is pretty complicated, if you can read, you'll understand. I always have something to tell my friends. I love my dog, Lucy. But most of all, I love my friends.! I live a crazy life, if you're smart, you'll keep the fuck up (:

jenn vuong carolyn trinh nick sui

January 2010 February 2010 July 2010

When push comes to shove If it gives you hell I bought a ticket to go away A Story SOOOO I'm homeless. BIRTHDAYS! Heyy oh, Here I am; MOTHER freakinggg BULLSHIT; hackkkeddd.